Canberra Comedy Festival – My day two

Posted on March 18, 2016


canberracomedyfestival1This post was originally destined for my Rossy H comedy-related blog. However I had managed to overlook renewing the domain name and WordPress seems reluctant to let me pay the bill. But never mind. My day two at the Canberra Comedy Festival.

First up was racing off to see Rich Hall – not as a volunteer sleazing my way in for a freebie peak as I do elsewhere. No, I actually paid for a ticket to the early show that was added due to demand.


Shit – who let Ross sit in the front row?

Rich Hall was fantastic. A comedian couldn’t ask for a better front row in an audience to have fun with. And if Canberra residents happen to see a group of Chinese military contractors furious with a part-time parking attendant while Wayne comes past looking for his missing missus, blame Rich for putting it in their heads. But there always has to be one dullard.


Rich: “So, fella, where are you from.”

Me: “Canberra but originally from Bendigo, Victoria.”

Note – I have absolutely no bloody idea why I felt the need to qualify my point of origin, but then my brain and my mouth have been known more than once to cease communicating with each other.

Rich: “……….Bendigo…………….nice place.”

Me: “Yep.”

By that point, I could practically hear his thoughts “shit – could he have been any more dull – why the hell did I pick on him?”

He gave up and went looking for – and finding – better value.

Fantastic show and highly recommended next time you have an opportunity to go and see Rich Hall.

From there it was rushing off over to the ANU Theatre Centre where I was supposed to be doing my volunteer thing.

After scrounging another vomit-inducing-pink shirt because I managed to leave mine at home, I found myself looking after Nazeem Hussain’s merchandising table. And being the salesman that I am, I managed to sell exactly…nothing. Sorry, mate. But people clearly thought as a salesman, I made a good street directory as I kept getting asked for directions. I did not think it possible to get lost inside the ANU Theatre Centre but there you go.


Waddya mean Bendigo likes me?

A bit later on I managed to slip in to see a bit of Nazeem’s second show. And I arrived just in time to hear him letting rip on horrible, racist Bendigo. You see, a while back a Muslim group applied for planning permission to build a mosque in Bendigo. And the next thing people knew, the United Patriot Front were invading Bendigo, firing up the protests. The Muslims were invading! The traffic and noise from the call to prayer were going to wreck suburban life! So naturally this made great comedic fun for Nazeem. After the show I put my arm around him and told him my home town likes him. He saw the funny side of it.

This year there was a mysterious show called The Secret Show which featured a cast of local comedians. I was finally released from standing guard over the Hussain merchandising goodies and went down to catch the end of the show. And I arrived just in time to see a completely naked Greg Kimball wander onto the stage in his role as Dad-who-is-always-naked-in-the-morning. Yep – bare-arsed naked. While I was scrubbing my eyes with bleach, I could hear people laughing a lot so it must have been a good show.

Stephen K Amos

I was only being polite, dear boy.

Then it was off to the late night Festival Club, the late night show at the Courtyard Theatre. Each night a collection of local and visiting talent do spots. And interrupting the flow of wonderful locals was one of those pesky mega-stars taking the stage: Stephen K Amos. And yes, I pinched that last line from the very funny MC, Tom Gibson. But Mr Amos was fantastic.

Afterwards, Mr Amos joined the cool crowd out in the courtyard. While the cool crowd were otherwise occupied, I managed to slip in and hide under a table so I wasn’t kicked out again. And I took the opportunity to emerge from under the table to ingratiate myself with Mr Amos by telling him how much I enjoyed his set.

“Why thank you,” he replied in his lovely cultured voice. “And thank you for coming.”

“Fair go mate,” I replied. “Sure I cracked a boner but I didn’t quite get to the ejaculation.”

OK, I didn’t really say that but it did occur to me. But I was too intimated by this lovely individual who bloody towers over me. Come to think of it, I’ll have to find a way of working that gag into my next open mic set. All about the cultured laugh, that’s me!

There were plenty of other great acts around town and at the Festival Club but my Earl Grey is going cold and it is past my bedtime.

Ross sig

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